Perhaps the lost opportunity was needed.
Perhaps this was for Alex's encouragement, not my comfort.
Perhaps God really does have better timing than I.
Perhaps trust does grow with relationship.
Perhaps I have a lot to learn.
Feb 27, 2013
Aug 7, 2012
A finite view of miscarriage
On July 14th a pregnancy test read positive. On July 30th an ultrasound offered a glimpse of what was our second child. On August 1st a blood test proved we would never hold our baby on this side of paradise.
In what has proved to be the most difficult summer of my life, God is clearly propping me up as I lean into Him with every new hardship. I trust Him. I do not need a reason for what has happened because He is I AM. I AM is all I need.
...Kleenex, waterproof mascara, and my husband are extremely helpful, too. We are mourning the loss of our child, whom we named Asthore Wilmod (dearly loved, resolute spirit). Yet we find joy in God's promises.
He will swallow up death forever;
and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from all faces,
and the reproach of his people he will take away from all the earth,
for the LORD has spoken.
It will be said on that day,
“Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us.
This is the LORD; we have waited for him;
let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.”
(Isaiah 25:8-9 ESV)
In what has proved to be the most difficult summer of my life, God is clearly propping me up as I lean into Him with every new hardship. I trust Him. I do not need a reason for what has happened because He is I AM. I AM is all I need.
...Kleenex, waterproof mascara, and my husband are extremely helpful, too. We are mourning the loss of our child, whom we named Asthore Wilmod (dearly loved, resolute spirit). Yet we find joy in God's promises.
He will swallow up death forever;
and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from all faces,
and the reproach of his people he will take away from all the earth,
for the LORD has spoken.
It will be said on that day,
“Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us.
This is the LORD; we have waited for him;
let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.”
(Isaiah 25:8-9 ESV)
Dec 30, 2011
2011 Retrospect
I think this year deserves copious reflection in order to prepare for 2012 and the new challenges and opportunities I and my family will encounter. I hope to post my answers in a few days.
20 Questions for a New Year’s Eve Reflection
1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?
2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?
3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?
4. What was an unexpected obstacle?
5. Pick three words to describe 2011.
6. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe your 2011 (don’t ask them; guess based on how you think your spouse sees you).
7. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe their 2011 (again, without asking).
8. What were the best books you read this year?
9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?
10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?
11. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?
12. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?
13. In what way(s) did you grow physically?
14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?
15. What was the most enjoyable part of your work (both professionally and at home)?
16. What was the most challenging part of your work (both professionally and at home)?
17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?
18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?
19. What was biggest thing you learned this past year?
20. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2011 for you.
I found this list of reflection questions at simplemom.net.
20 Questions for a New Year’s Eve Reflection
1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?
2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?
3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?
4. What was an unexpected obstacle?
5. Pick three words to describe 2011.
6. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe your 2011 (don’t ask them; guess based on how you think your spouse sees you).
7. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe their 2011 (again, without asking).
8. What were the best books you read this year?
9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?
10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?
11. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?
12. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?
13. In what way(s) did you grow physically?
14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?
15. What was the most enjoyable part of your work (both professionally and at home)?
16. What was the most challenging part of your work (both professionally and at home)?
17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?
18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?
19. What was biggest thing you learned this past year?
20. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2011 for you.
I found this list of reflection questions at simplemom.net.
Dec 28, 2011
The year of Discontent
The social world has been void of my presence lately simply because I find it laborious and of no value to me--it's a waste of time. I have neglected this blog for similar reasons. Additionally, the title of the blog and my profile blurb are not true. I am not satisfied in anything, least of all God. I am not striving to encourage my son or husband in their pursuit of Christ. I am still finite but I have no view of the infinite; my vision is blurry and trained on lesser things at the moment. I am a hypocrite.
The year of 2011 is the year of Discontent. I am discontent, even dissatisfied with myself, my abilities, my job, my accomplishments, my efforts, my parenting, my thesis, my God, my life. I even find myself disappointed by those I love because I have placed unfair and unrealistic expectations on them. I blame everyone but myself for my current habitation of a pit excavated by myself.
Even in my confession I am self-centric; pronouns referring to myself thus far in this post: 27.
When in such a state, this dog returns to the refuse of the destroyed relationship. The longing for connection, for someone to confide in, removed enough to ensure transparency, though able to understand on an emotional, spiritual level--the objective third party. And yet, thoughts toward that party are less than objective. The opinions carry more weight than any deserve. Perhaps it is not as safe as desired. Perhaps not as objective either.
The lust in my veins is sickening--lust for a kind word, company in this pit. And here I am content. Contentment in discontent simply because exertion to escape is too daunting. I am content to do nothing.
I am in quite dire straits.
The year of 2011 is the year of Discontent. I am discontent, even dissatisfied with myself, my abilities, my job, my accomplishments, my efforts, my parenting, my thesis, my God, my life. I even find myself disappointed by those I love because I have placed unfair and unrealistic expectations on them. I blame everyone but myself for my current habitation of a pit excavated by myself.
Even in my confession I am self-centric; pronouns referring to myself thus far in this post: 27.
When in such a state, this dog returns to the refuse of the destroyed relationship. The longing for connection, for someone to confide in, removed enough to ensure transparency, though able to understand on an emotional, spiritual level--the objective third party. And yet, thoughts toward that party are less than objective. The opinions carry more weight than any deserve. Perhaps it is not as safe as desired. Perhaps not as objective either.
The lust in my veins is sickening--lust for a kind word, company in this pit. And here I am content. Contentment in discontent simply because exertion to escape is too daunting. I am content to do nothing.
I am in quite dire straits.
Sep 7, 2011
Jul 1, 2011
Orphans
Something that has been floating around my head for a while...God-Centered Missional Adoption and Orphan Ministry
Jun 23, 2011
Chemophobia
I am not alone in my irritation at marketing campaigns touting "chemical-free" products when very few things are not chemicals. Additionally, chemicals are not something to fear, but to understand as they are the very building blocks of our existence.
This is a good summary of the quandary scientists face in this emotionally fueled marketing trend >> My Chemically Fueled Life
This is a good summary of the quandary scientists face in this emotionally fueled marketing trend >> My Chemically Fueled Life
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